Gethsemane

I am telling you, I cannot stay away from songs!

Let's get real, it is Sunday which means I listen to Sunday music.  This is especially true on Conference Sunday.  It is like I want extra lots of goodness inside of me to load up for the week to come.

I drove up to my parent's house today (I know, totes presh) and on the way back with my sister tonight after ranting and raving about things that are probably not okay to post on the internet (look, I do have a filter sometimes) I put this song on.  There is something about it that just reaches out and soothes my soul.

I remember the first time I ever heard this song.  I was a lonely missionary.  I was serving with the ever lovely Sister Abby Holt and I was as sick as all get out.  I had an infected gall bladder that no one would diagnose and so we diligently pushed on, serving the Lord to the best of my capabilities.  I am sure that the work would have been so much different in that area at that time if Sister Holt had served with any other Sister, but the Lord put us together for many reasons.  One, she was my brain half.  Two, she always knew how to take care of me.  More than any of that, she loves unconditionally and I was sorely in need of that.

Anyway, we put this CD in after a very trying day I am sure, and when this song came on I BAWLED.  Like literally sobbing in the car.  I remember thinking "It doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter that I feel sick or what ANYONE thinks of me right now, my Savior suffered and died so that He could know what I am feeling.  He has been there through it all so that he would know what this moment and every other difficult moment ever in my life feels like".  And after that, even though my mission was like a personal Gethsemane and even though I have had many days where I just wanted to give up, I know that I can't.  My Savior literally lived and died for me.  He suffered and bled to know what I am going through.  He knows me individually and He loves me individually.

So, if today is a "Gethsemane" day for you, or if you have one in the future, listen to this song.  Let it heal your heart just a little bit.  There is something powerful in the juxtaposition of the idea of me watching the Savior suffer and then later, Him having to watch me suffer.  The gratitude that is evident throughout the song helps me remember that I do have so much to be grateful for.

Let Him heal you.  Be willing to let Him in.  No matter how big or small your burden may seem, He is always willing to carry it.