Sunshine and Sleep

I learned a very important lesson yesterday. Okay, a couple of very important lessons.

1. Zupas is the best place to eat lunch and catch up with friends. Period. Especially when you eat lunch outside in the sunshine so you can yell slightly inappropriate words and no one will look at you like you're a weirdy...

2. Eating lunch while sitting in the sun = AMAZING!

3. Eating lunch with an Amazing friend = The best thing I could have done.

4. Taking a shower washes all your troubles away.

5. getting a good night's sleep = life changing.


Seriously, the difference in my emotional state from yesterday to today is night and day. I'm ten million times happier. I don't feel like I'm on the verge of tears brought on by sheer exhaustion. I can face the world. I look super cute because I wanted to. AND...drumroll please...I'm not yawning every ten seconds. It's fantastic.

Also, it helps that my dad gave me some cookies and cream ice cream last night. Thanks dad!

Don't worry, I'm just crazy. No biggie.

Sometimes I wish that when it rained, I could just go outside, stand in the rain and cry. Then no one would know I had been crying, and I could get all of my psycho emotions out while no one is watching. Instead, my tears decide to wait and come at weird moments like at 8:15 this morning. I'm not sleeping well. Maybe not even at all, I don't know. What I do know is that when I don't sleep I get cranky. I cry over EVERYTHING. I'm not joking about this one. I am a psychopath when I don't sleep.

Today my alarm went off at 4:30 in the morning. Only, my clock said that it was five thirty so I kept snoozing it telling my self that I would get up in a little bit to get ready for work. Then I looked at my phone and realized that it was 4:30, and that when I set my alarm last night I must have bumped the hour on the clock and not realized it. I couldn't fall back alseep for ages. Then I did and didn't get up early enough to shower. So today I am a disgusting mess. I'm overly emotional. I want to find a large piece of cheesecake and drown my sorrows in it. And really, my sorrows aren't that big. I'm lonely sometimes. Big deal. I miss one of my closest friends who I may not see for another two years unless by some miracle my mission departure date is after he gets home from his. I wanted it to rain harder than it did last night so I could play in the rain longer. I wanted to watch more lightning. Stupid things, right? Little things that shouldn't cause such a breakdown. The rational part of me knows that. But I am currently living in sixteen-year-old land where EVERYTHING is something to obsess over.

One of these days I'll get a nap and the world will be right again. That, or I'll explode.

Either way, I want this psycho-ness to end. I love being silly and giggling on the couch with my mom. I love pulling practical jokes, teaching my sisters the important things in life like how to pants each other and how to give great wet-willies. I love pretending like I'm the world's best singer or the world's best dancer and just letting it all out. I love talking about spiritual things, or giving the home evening lesson and having my six year old sister say that she felt the spirit. I love stretching when I first wake up in the morning and feeling like the world is all fresh and ready to start the day like I am. Hopefully tomorrow I can feel all of those things again and none of the icky sad things I'm feeling today.

Summer Rain

It rained yesterday. Not just any rain...summer rain.

Summer rain is my favorite. It's the kind of rain you can play in...run around in and jump in puddles. Yes, I'm 21. Yes, I still play in the rain. I love the smell of summer rain. It is just fantastic. I also love driving in the rain in summertime. Weird, right? I roll my window down just a bit so I can get rain on my left arm, and I enjoy watching raindrops as they hit my windshield. It's my favorite. :)

Papers

My papers have made their visit to the Bishop. On August 4 they will go visit the Stake President, then make their way to Salt Lake to see whomever checks them out up there. My papers are really getting around! ;) Hopefully I'll know where I'm going and when by the end of August. :) I'm just a little excited.

A good stretch

I love a good stretch. Not like stretching before dancing, which also feels fantastic, but when your body is totally relaxed because you're so tired. I love to stretch my arms as far as they will go when I first wake up. Or when I'm sitting at work and am still in wake up mode. There is something about stretching that makes me feel alive. So, try it. Just stretch out everything. Seriously, you can't help but feel better after that.

Laughing

Have you ever laughed so hard your abs hurt, you cried, you couldn't breathe and you just couldn't stop laughing? I love those moments. They can change your day from bad to good in an instant. When there are two of you laughing that hard, it is impossible to stop the giggles. Funny things just seem to keep happening. And then, for the rest of the day, you can't be serious. Those are my favorite kinds of days.

Barefeet

I hate shoes. Seriously. If I could, I would spend the entire summer without shoes on. I hate that they make your feet smell weird.

But at the same time, I love shoes. Cute shoes. Shoes that make my legs look like a million bucks. Or really comfortable flip flops that seem to call my name each morning as I force my feeties into my workin' heels.

I've decided that the bestest feeling in the entire world is walking through the grass barefoot on a summer night. You, once the sun has gone down and the grass is cold but the rest of the world is still toasty warm? And you can lie in the grass and try to count the stars? Oh how I love it. And one day, when I don't have to send myself to bed at 10:30 because I've got to be up and ready to face the world again at 6 am, I'll stay outside super late just to walk around barefoot in the grass. September here I come!

Quit being a baby!

I hate days like today where I just want the world to pity me. To stop and take notice of the super bad mood that I am in and realize that, obviously, none of it is my fault.

Today I'm cranky. I want to take a nap and wake up full of sunshine and joy. Or eat enough chocolate to stop starvation in some small African nation. No, I'm not PMS-ing. That would be easier to deal with.

While I'm dealing with a lot and I've got a lot on my plate, that doesn't give me the right to complain. I've got a job. I've got an awesome family and some super cool friends. So why am I in this funk?

It started out on Thursday. I stayed up until 1 in the morning with some of my aforementioned cool friends. Normally I go to bed at 10...thus, I was super sleep deprived on Friday...which was hilarious until about 3:30...then I crashed. Later that night I fell apart. Serious. Ask my family, it wasn't pretty.

Saturday should have been fine but, once again, I fell apart. And I couldn't fall asleep. Then Sunday rolled around and while I got to sleep in I didn't get to enjoy it. Then I stayed up just a bit too late, which turned into not being able to FALL asleep.

So here I am today. Trying to adjust to two new prescriptions, one of which is working okay, the other I just started so I'm not sure what's going to happen there. I'm trying to recover from the weekend, which shouldn't be how things should go, right?

So I'm trying to be cheerful, to not hate my hairdo that didn't work and my choice to wear my glasses instead of my contacts. I'm hoping that my new medicine will help me not get zits anymore...I'm almost 21 for goodness sake! Mostly I'm hoping that I can make it through this week and enjoy a better weekend next time around. Also that everything works out the way it should. And that we can hire some great people at work. And that I can try ONCE AGAIN to get my papers turned in. And that someone will just want to give me a hug and make sure that things are okay. I'm full of hopes and a couple of really big dreams that I don't know how to accomplish. Alright, time to smile again, stuff this all back down, and get on with life.

Explode

Some days I just want to explode. I can't do everything. I try, I really do, but I can't do everything. So leave me alone! Do your own projects! Look it up yourself! AAARRGH!

Work is crazy. I love my job, I love the people I work with, and I love helping them. But sometimes I wonder if I am too nice. I have things I have to do too...I'm not just sitting at my desk twiddling my thumbs hoping you'll throw a project at me. Right now especially...we're trying to hire new people, so not only did I get to go through and sort all of their resumes, but I am trying to put together training and certification for them, start a new way for the office to be organized...the list goes on and on. I just can't do it today.

My bad mood started last night. In the middle of a dance on SYTYCD, Fox stopped broadcasting to my house. So I don't know how it ended...I don't know if there were mind blowing dances...and I've been cranky ever since. So, thank you Fox for killing my good mood.

On a happier note, I look super cute today. And if my brain does explode, there's only one more day before the weekend. I can make it, right?

Band-aids, dry cereal, hot pink nail polish, and B-bangs!

Today I want to share the thoughts that have been going through my head all morning. Here it is:

Band-aids: Have you ever noticed that there are parts of a person where a band-aid is just...weird? Yesterday I was given a rather large hole in the back of my hand by a drawer at work. I have no idea how it happened, I just felt something rather painful and looked down to see that my hand was bleeding. After much searching, I finally found a band-aid. Since then I've been marveling over just how weird it feels to have a band-aid almost right under your knuckles. Seriously, try it. It's kinda funny watching how wrinkly it can get. Do you ever stop and realize just how much you use a part of your body once you've injured it? I was putting on my backpack today and realizing just how painful it can be to a tiny injury on the back of your hand.

Dry cereal: Usually, I eat dry cereal in a baggy for breakfast. One, because I leave my house between six fifteen and six thirty every weekday morning and am barely able to walk, let alone eat breakfast. As a result, dry cereal is my next favorite option because I can make it last all morning while sitting at my desk at work. Today it's some knock-off brand of cinnamon toast crunch. Yesterday it was frosted mini wheats. I like to mix things up. ;)

Hot pink nail polish: My dear friend Karissa convinced me on Saturday to paint my nails. I almost never do, but I decided it would be fun, so I did. Now I keep getting distracted by the electric color of my fingernails. They keep distracting me from band-aid contemplation and that just won't do. I hope they weren't too distracting during my Relief Society lesson on the Atonement on Sunday...I should have thought of that before I painted them I guess...so, the moral of this story? Think before you paint, my friends. Think before you paint.

And finally...B-bangs: Thank you Chad Dylan Cooper for giving my dear friend Lynette and I a new catch phrase. And Billy, for sporting your B-bangs last Wednesday on SYTYCD. Also, thanks to the wonderful employees at Lagoon for making Lynette and I show off our hand stamps...they inspired a physical action to go along with our catch phrase. And thank you, 2 am for reminding me what college is really about--being so ridiculously tired that B-bangs is one million times funnier than it would be at 2 pm.

That's it. Maybe tomorrow my thoughts will be more intelligent.

For Corinne

Okay, Corinne, you motivated me. I'm going to post something about me that doesn't sound whiny, because I'm really not a whiner...it just seems like that.

I'm working on my mission papers. In fact, I'm almost done. I've got, like, two things to do and they'll be in. Then I don't know what comes next. I know that there are all kinds of interviews, but I don't know what they are or when I'll have to do them. All I know is that I am way excited to go and serve a mission. And I won't be taking classes in the fall. I know that too.

That's it for today, now on to being productive and finishing all my projects at work!!

Smiles

I've been contemplating this quite a lot lately...but have you ever noticed that when someone smiles at you, you can't help but smile back? And that sometimes, one smile can change your day? I love smiles. I love smiling at people and seeing if I can get them to cheer up. Also, I love taking note of when someone else's smile changes my day.