Barefeet

I hate shoes. Seriously. If I could, I would spend the entire summer without shoes on. I hate that they make your feet smell weird.

But at the same time, I love shoes. Cute shoes. Shoes that make my legs look like a million bucks. Or really comfortable flip flops that seem to call my name each morning as I force my feeties into my workin' heels.

I've decided that the bestest feeling in the entire world is walking through the grass barefoot on a summer night. You, once the sun has gone down and the grass is cold but the rest of the world is still toasty warm? And you can lie in the grass and try to count the stars? Oh how I love it. And one day, when I don't have to send myself to bed at 10:30 because I've got to be up and ready to face the world again at 6 am, I'll stay outside super late just to walk around barefoot in the grass. September here I come!

Quit being a baby!

I hate days like today where I just want the world to pity me. To stop and take notice of the super bad mood that I am in and realize that, obviously, none of it is my fault.

Today I'm cranky. I want to take a nap and wake up full of sunshine and joy. Or eat enough chocolate to stop starvation in some small African nation. No, I'm not PMS-ing. That would be easier to deal with.

While I'm dealing with a lot and I've got a lot on my plate, that doesn't give me the right to complain. I've got a job. I've got an awesome family and some super cool friends. So why am I in this funk?

It started out on Thursday. I stayed up until 1 in the morning with some of my aforementioned cool friends. Normally I go to bed at 10...thus, I was super sleep deprived on Friday...which was hilarious until about 3:30...then I crashed. Later that night I fell apart. Serious. Ask my family, it wasn't pretty.

Saturday should have been fine but, once again, I fell apart. And I couldn't fall asleep. Then Sunday rolled around and while I got to sleep in I didn't get to enjoy it. Then I stayed up just a bit too late, which turned into not being able to FALL asleep.

So here I am today. Trying to adjust to two new prescriptions, one of which is working okay, the other I just started so I'm not sure what's going to happen there. I'm trying to recover from the weekend, which shouldn't be how things should go, right?

So I'm trying to be cheerful, to not hate my hairdo that didn't work and my choice to wear my glasses instead of my contacts. I'm hoping that my new medicine will help me not get zits anymore...I'm almost 21 for goodness sake! Mostly I'm hoping that I can make it through this week and enjoy a better weekend next time around. Also that everything works out the way it should. And that we can hire some great people at work. And that I can try ONCE AGAIN to get my papers turned in. And that someone will just want to give me a hug and make sure that things are okay. I'm full of hopes and a couple of really big dreams that I don't know how to accomplish. Alright, time to smile again, stuff this all back down, and get on with life.

Explode

Some days I just want to explode. I can't do everything. I try, I really do, but I can't do everything. So leave me alone! Do your own projects! Look it up yourself! AAARRGH!

Work is crazy. I love my job, I love the people I work with, and I love helping them. But sometimes I wonder if I am too nice. I have things I have to do too...I'm not just sitting at my desk twiddling my thumbs hoping you'll throw a project at me. Right now especially...we're trying to hire new people, so not only did I get to go through and sort all of their resumes, but I am trying to put together training and certification for them, start a new way for the office to be organized...the list goes on and on. I just can't do it today.

My bad mood started last night. In the middle of a dance on SYTYCD, Fox stopped broadcasting to my house. So I don't know how it ended...I don't know if there were mind blowing dances...and I've been cranky ever since. So, thank you Fox for killing my good mood.

On a happier note, I look super cute today. And if my brain does explode, there's only one more day before the weekend. I can make it, right?

Band-aids, dry cereal, hot pink nail polish, and B-bangs!

Today I want to share the thoughts that have been going through my head all morning. Here it is:

Band-aids: Have you ever noticed that there are parts of a person where a band-aid is just...weird? Yesterday I was given a rather large hole in the back of my hand by a drawer at work. I have no idea how it happened, I just felt something rather painful and looked down to see that my hand was bleeding. After much searching, I finally found a band-aid. Since then I've been marveling over just how weird it feels to have a band-aid almost right under your knuckles. Seriously, try it. It's kinda funny watching how wrinkly it can get. Do you ever stop and realize just how much you use a part of your body once you've injured it? I was putting on my backpack today and realizing just how painful it can be to a tiny injury on the back of your hand.

Dry cereal: Usually, I eat dry cereal in a baggy for breakfast. One, because I leave my house between six fifteen and six thirty every weekday morning and am barely able to walk, let alone eat breakfast. As a result, dry cereal is my next favorite option because I can make it last all morning while sitting at my desk at work. Today it's some knock-off brand of cinnamon toast crunch. Yesterday it was frosted mini wheats. I like to mix things up. ;)

Hot pink nail polish: My dear friend Karissa convinced me on Saturday to paint my nails. I almost never do, but I decided it would be fun, so I did. Now I keep getting distracted by the electric color of my fingernails. They keep distracting me from band-aid contemplation and that just won't do. I hope they weren't too distracting during my Relief Society lesson on the Atonement on Sunday...I should have thought of that before I painted them I guess...so, the moral of this story? Think before you paint, my friends. Think before you paint.

And finally...B-bangs: Thank you Chad Dylan Cooper for giving my dear friend Lynette and I a new catch phrase. And Billy, for sporting your B-bangs last Wednesday on SYTYCD. Also, thanks to the wonderful employees at Lagoon for making Lynette and I show off our hand stamps...they inspired a physical action to go along with our catch phrase. And thank you, 2 am for reminding me what college is really about--being so ridiculously tired that B-bangs is one million times funnier than it would be at 2 pm.

That's it. Maybe tomorrow my thoughts will be more intelligent.

For Corinne

Okay, Corinne, you motivated me. I'm going to post something about me that doesn't sound whiny, because I'm really not a whiner...it just seems like that.

I'm working on my mission papers. In fact, I'm almost done. I've got, like, two things to do and they'll be in. Then I don't know what comes next. I know that there are all kinds of interviews, but I don't know what they are or when I'll have to do them. All I know is that I am way excited to go and serve a mission. And I won't be taking classes in the fall. I know that too.

That's it for today, now on to being productive and finishing all my projects at work!!

Smiles

I've been contemplating this quite a lot lately...but have you ever noticed that when someone smiles at you, you can't help but smile back? And that sometimes, one smile can change your day? I love smiles. I love smiling at people and seeing if I can get them to cheer up. Also, I love taking note of when someone else's smile changes my day.

UGH

Today's word of the day is ugh. I hurt. This is not unusual, as lately my back has decided to secede from the union and is currently waging war on the rest of me. Or, in other words, it's freaking out and I don't know what to do. So I generally pretend that it doesn't exist. Today this is not working. It is if three or four other parts of my body are joining my back and recreating the Civil War as I sit at my desk at work and pretend that I look super cute. So, dear world, I am in pain. I want to cry. Actually, I want to go back to bed and see if a couple more hours of sleep will help my body calm down and do what it is supposed to. But none of those things are options. So I will be brave. But please pray that I'll feel better soon. I can use all the help I can get.

Confession...

I have a secret to confess. Sometimes I think that life is not fair. Really, really, really unfair. I think of all the dreams I had when I was little and how those dreams are never going to be realized. And then I stop and think of all of the new dreams I have now...and how I am MAKING those dreams happen. I am doing what I can to reach my dreams, and then I let God come in and make up the difference. I have been realizing more and more that our Savior's role as the Savior and Redeemer of mankind involves so much more than just his ability to forgive us of our sins. He is our Best Friend. He is there to comfort us in times of pain, of sorrow, of frustration, whatever it may be. He is there to celebrate with us when things go well. If you don't believe me, check out Alma 7:11-13. Isn't it nice to know that even when there is no one else you can turn to here, that you can turn to Him? That he is always ready to listen to your troubles and comfort you when you need comfort? I don't know if I could ask for a better Best Friend.

Bottled Up

Dear World...

There are a lot of emotions inside of me. They are all bottled up. Mostly because I don't have someone to share them with. Also because, and this is true, the people I do have that I could talk with don't want to hear some of the things I need to get out. So, if I suddenly explode in a mass of mangled up emotions, please bear with me. I'm working on it. I'm working through it. I'm smiling and finding joy. But there still is that part of me that longs to just spill my guts to someone who wants to listen to what I have to say.

Why is it so hard for us as human beings to listen to one another. To REALLY listen to what people are saying. To try to understand where they are coming from and what they are trying to get across. So often we hear only words and don't listen for the emotion attached to them. Or we chose to focus only on ourselves and not on others. My goal is to truly listen. To be the kind of person that you could talk to, the kind of person whose shoulder you can cry on. I can't give advice...I can't. But I can listen, sympathize, and then tell you a joke and make you laugh.

Have you ever noticed that laughing can make anything better. Oh, not all the way better, mind you, but it can take a hard day or a difficult situation and make it bearable. It can help you notice your blessings instead of your trials. So please, don't forget to laugh.

See...I told you I've been keeping things bottled up...

Home

I went home this weekend. I don't know if you know this about me, but I love going home. Don't get me wrong, P-town is great and I love my roommates. They are the best I've ever had. But...there is just something fantastic about going home. At home, I get reminded all day every day that I am loved. I get to cuddle with the cutest six year old in the entire world. I get to sit next to my mom and watch tv, knowing that whatever we do together, it is better than doing it apart. Some of you may not agree with me. Maybe your home is not as fantastic as mine is, and if not, I'm sorry. But I truly do love my home and everyone in it, and am so grateful that they love me back. So, thank goodness for three day weekends and being able to go home.