Hard to Stay Mad

I've learned a few important lessons this week.

I can't talk sense into people who are already set in their ways. Even though in this case I am in the right and am backed by MANY people who agree with me (and probably some scientific research as well) I can't change how other people think. I can't make them like me. I can't make them understand that I am a kind and loving person who doesn't want to harm them or cause emotional damage.

I can't stay mad. It's impossible. I was mad for like, a day, after I got in a huge argument with a friend. It was MONUMENTAL people. The results of this fight are going to change my friendship with more than one person, but today, I can't be mad anymore. All I feel is relief that this person FINALLY knows how I feel and that I got to air my frustrations. It isn't my problem if they don't understand me. I can't change their behavior, I certainly am not going to change mine to fit their idea of what I should be doing, and so we are probably going to go our separate ways. But, even if I never see these friends again, I know that I have forgiven.

I can't not forgive this girl. Yes, her idea of the kind of person I am hurts me deeply, but she is coming from a different place than I am. She can't see me for who I am, and as a result, she can't let go. She wants me to change. I don't want to. So we are at odds.

I drove to the temple that night and cried. Cried for the girl who is losing one of her best friends. Cried for not being able to work this out. Cried because I knew that I wouldn't be the same person after all of this came crashing down. Now, two days later, the tears are gone. I feel a little empty, but I also know that my prayers are being answered. I am feeling that peace I long for, and even though I want to hate this girl who has caused my pain, I can't. I just feel bad for her. So, I give my deepest thanks to my Savior who Atoned so that he could understand the pain that I am feeling and take it away from me. He Atoned so that I WOULDN'T NEED TO CARRY AROUND THIS PAIN. Instead I can just turn to Him and ask Him to help me bear it and strengthen me to meet this trial.

Deepest apologies if this post isn't understandable and is quite vague.

Confession...

I have a secret to confess. Sometimes I think that life is not fair. Really, really, really unfair. I think of all the dreams I had when I was little and how those dreams are never going to be realized. And then I stop and think of all of the new dreams I have now...and how I am MAKING those dreams happen. I am doing what I can to reach my dreams, and then I let God come in and make up the difference. I have been realizing more and more that our Savior's role as the Savior and Redeemer of mankind involves so much more than just his ability to forgive us of our sins. He is our Best Friend. He is there to comfort us in times of pain, of sorrow, of frustration, whatever it may be. He is there to celebrate with us when things go well. If you don't believe me, check out Alma 7:11-13. Isn't it nice to know that even when there is no one else you can turn to here, that you can turn to Him? That he is always ready to listen to your troubles and comfort you when you need comfort? I don't know if I could ask for a better Best Friend.