Hard to Stay Mad

I've learned a few important lessons this week.

I can't talk sense into people who are already set in their ways. Even though in this case I am in the right and am backed by MANY people who agree with me (and probably some scientific research as well) I can't change how other people think. I can't make them like me. I can't make them understand that I am a kind and loving person who doesn't want to harm them or cause emotional damage.

I can't stay mad. It's impossible. I was mad for like, a day, after I got in a huge argument with a friend. It was MONUMENTAL people. The results of this fight are going to change my friendship with more than one person, but today, I can't be mad anymore. All I feel is relief that this person FINALLY knows how I feel and that I got to air my frustrations. It isn't my problem if they don't understand me. I can't change their behavior, I certainly am not going to change mine to fit their idea of what I should be doing, and so we are probably going to go our separate ways. But, even if I never see these friends again, I know that I have forgiven.

I can't not forgive this girl. Yes, her idea of the kind of person I am hurts me deeply, but she is coming from a different place than I am. She can't see me for who I am, and as a result, she can't let go. She wants me to change. I don't want to. So we are at odds.

I drove to the temple that night and cried. Cried for the girl who is losing one of her best friends. Cried for not being able to work this out. Cried because I knew that I wouldn't be the same person after all of this came crashing down. Now, two days later, the tears are gone. I feel a little empty, but I also know that my prayers are being answered. I am feeling that peace I long for, and even though I want to hate this girl who has caused my pain, I can't. I just feel bad for her. So, I give my deepest thanks to my Savior who Atoned so that he could understand the pain that I am feeling and take it away from me. He Atoned so that I WOULDN'T NEED TO CARRY AROUND THIS PAIN. Instead I can just turn to Him and ask Him to help me bear it and strengthen me to meet this trial.

Deepest apologies if this post isn't understandable and is quite vague.

Sunshine and Rain

Yesterday I was driving up the freeway with a dear friend, rockin' out to Demi. As we were nearing the point of the mountain...I had an epiphany. It was rainy, and the storm clouds were rolling in from the west as the sun was setting. But, there was this break in the clouds where rays of sunshine were pouring down, and the cloud was beautifully back-lit. It made me think a lot about how our Father in Heaven is like the sunshine. Even during the stormy times, we can see His hand in all we do--whether through the rays of hope that penetrate the dark storm, or just knowing that he is there, guiding the storm to help us grow the most. So, I am thankful. Thankful that I have a loving Father in Heaven who looks out for me in the stormy trials of this life. Thankful that he sends the storms that will help me grow the most. Thankful that He loves me just for being me. Amen.