Gethsemane

I am telling you, I cannot stay away from songs!

Let's get real, it is Sunday which means I listen to Sunday music.  This is especially true on Conference Sunday.  It is like I want extra lots of goodness inside of me to load up for the week to come.

I drove up to my parent's house today (I know, totes presh) and on the way back with my sister tonight after ranting and raving about things that are probably not okay to post on the internet (look, I do have a filter sometimes) I put this song on.  There is something about it that just reaches out and soothes my soul.

I remember the first time I ever heard this song.  I was a lonely missionary.  I was serving with the ever lovely Sister Abby Holt and I was as sick as all get out.  I had an infected gall bladder that no one would diagnose and so we diligently pushed on, serving the Lord to the best of my capabilities.  I am sure that the work would have been so much different in that area at that time if Sister Holt had served with any other Sister, but the Lord put us together for many reasons.  One, she was my brain half.  Two, she always knew how to take care of me.  More than any of that, she loves unconditionally and I was sorely in need of that.

Anyway, we put this CD in after a very trying day I am sure, and when this song came on I BAWLED.  Like literally sobbing in the car.  I remember thinking "It doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter that I feel sick or what ANYONE thinks of me right now, my Savior suffered and died so that He could know what I am feeling.  He has been there through it all so that he would know what this moment and every other difficult moment ever in my life feels like".  And after that, even though my mission was like a personal Gethsemane and even though I have had many days where I just wanted to give up, I know that I can't.  My Savior literally lived and died for me.  He suffered and bled to know what I am going through.  He knows me individually and He loves me individually.

So, if today is a "Gethsemane" day for you, or if you have one in the future, listen to this song.  Let it heal your heart just a little bit.  There is something powerful in the juxtaposition of the idea of me watching the Savior suffer and then later, Him having to watch me suffer.  The gratitude that is evident throughout the song helps me remember that I do have so much to be grateful for.

Let Him heal you.  Be willing to let Him in.  No matter how big or small your burden may seem, He is always willing to carry it.

#ldsconf

Don't get me wrong, I truly do love General Conference.  There is something exciting about laying around in my pajamas for two days listening to counsel from the Living Prophets.  Sorry, that sounds sacrilegious.  I really do listen, honest.  I just love that this part of my worship does not require me dressing to the nines in order to do so.  But I digress.

The last few years I have missed out on at least one session of conference for one reason or another.  However, surprisingly, this time around I was able to listen to almost every single second of all the sessions of conference.  I loved it.  My friend Sara and I kept texting back and forth asking each other how the General Authorities could have known that we needed to hear those exact words spoken this weekend because they kept talking about things we had been talking about earlier in the week.  

However, one of the best parts of conference for me was the #LDSconf on twitter.  Seriously, I could hear some amazing quote, then pop on twitter and like it instantly.  No more waiting for the ensign.  None of this waiting for someone to hopefully make some cute printable and post it on Pinterest.  No.  I could use the church's social media feed to instantly have access to thousands of powerful one liners that one day I will look back on and be grateful for.  

Thank you social media for helping me continue to be inspired by the words of our Living Prophets.     

Disney Princesses

Guys, I always wanted to be a princess.  Secretly, I still do.  sssshhh...

No, but in all seriousness...here's the whole story.

I am the oldest of six girls.  I have one older brother, but wellll...I am the oldest.  Let's be real.  As the oldest girl, I had a ton of responsibility as a kid.  I did a lot of babysitting, changed a lot of diapers, and grew up a lot faster than any of my younger siblings have had to. I honestly don't remember when my dad started calling me princess.  For years, that was my special name.  None of my other sisters got to be called princess.  That was my thing with my dad.  Now, of course, he calls all of us princess, but part of me thinks it is because he just cannot remember all of our names and "princess" is just easier.  But I digress.

I wanted to be everything that a princess stood for.  I wanted to be beautiful, sure, but I had my dad there reassuring me constantly that I was, so that wasn't something that I ever worried about as a child.  But I wanted to be a helper like Cinderella, and I wanted to be brave enough to do what I knew was right like Snow White did.  I wanted to be courageous like Mulan and be able to be my own person like Ariel.

As I have grown, more Disney Princesses have emerged.  And I have realized that I still want to be like them.  I want to be tenacious like Rapunzel.  I want to be bold like Merida.  I want to be brave even when I am scared.  I want to chase my dreams like Tiana.

While there is much to be said about princesses, I know that one day when I hopefully have kids I will encourage them to be like princesses too.  Because who knows what other things those princesses can teach us?

The Magic of Disney

This is something I have been thinking about since we talked about princesses in class.  I LOVE Disney.  It comes in large part from being raised by my dad, who loves Disney more than any grown man I have ever met.  If one could live in Disneyland, I am sure my dad would be the one to do so.

I grew up on Peter Pan, The Great Mouse Detective, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.  Disney was my life blood for many years.  I never understood (and sometimes still don't) why people didn't want to sit down and just watch a good old classic Disney film instead of the new latest and greatest action flick that had just come out.

I don't know if I could ever tell you what my favorite Disney movie is.  Growing up, I loved The Great Mouse Detective.

I am not going to lie, I had spunk...I was like Olivia.  I knew what I wanted and was determined to be part of all the action involved to get it.

I loved The Goofy Movie...there is something about a good pop song that just makes your day!

And I loved Disney Princesses...but that is a post for another day.

I am grateful for my dad.  For the influence that he had over my media choices as a child to help me to continue to pick quality entertainment to this day.  I am grateful that he instilled in me a love for good things.  I am glad that I love these movies because I feel like they help keep the kid in me alive.  And who doesn't want that?

The Lake House

Have you ever tried to explain to someone why you love a movie?

Sometimes it works out SO well.  They really get the concept of the movie that you are explaining and everything just fits.

Then you fall in love with The Lake House and no one understands what you are talking about.

And really, why would they?  Two people are able to write letters back and forth even though they are separated by two years.  What connects them?  The lake house that they both lived/are living in.

It is such an amazing story of love, friendship, loss and learning to trust in timing...which is a weird concept, but it is true.  Sometimes it is about letting go and sometimes it is about holding on for all it is worth.

I couldn't fall asleep tonight.  I don't really know why, maybe it is because I have been staying up far too late this week doing all sorts of things for school.  And so, in order to cope with my need to be awake, I watched The Lake House.

Most people don't understand why I love it.  But well, don't knock it til you try it, okay?

#twitteraddict

I MAY have started using twitter.  This isn't to say I didn't have a twitter before...I just didn't really use it.  But, and I don't know why really, a couple of weeks ago I just started using my twitter like nobody's business.

I like twitter because I feel like it is my avenue to vent my feelings without a filter.  I don't have all that many "followers" and those who do follow me that I actually know don't really check their twitter feed all that often.  This makes me feel like I am able to just vent whatever I am feeling in the moment.

I can't really do that with the big 'ol fb.  There are too many people who would, I don't know, call me and ask why I am so freaked out...or tell my mom...which could be worse...when really I am just being hormonal or angsty and freaking out about something that doesn't deserve a freak out.

I also like twitter because I feel like I can give updates more frequently on the mundane things of my life and not feel like a total #weirdo.  If I am in the middle of a paper or a project, I tweet about it.  It helps me feel motivated in a sense...I get to constantly talk about how much more I have gotten done on whatever it is that I am doing.

However, I seriously HATE retweets. I don't care what your friend said that was funny...I follow you, not your friend.  Or, if you are a celeb, I really don't need to know more about what your fans think of you.  Thank the heavens that I can turn of retweets.

I don't know everything about twitter yet.  But I am definitely enjoying the learning process.

Cinderella Jeni James style

Once upon a time (okay, this summer) I justified buying myself a Kindle.  And guys, I love it.

But that is not the point.  The point is, every once in a while I go to the Amazon store on my Kindle and look for books that are free and fun.

Or that have a preview I can read...

And then I read that preview and become addicted to it and well...if the book is cheap I buy it.

That happened this week.  I blame it on the killer cold that I had but well, I had a lot of time that I just wanted to spend laying in bed doing nothing.

And that is what I ended up doing, let's get real folks.

BUT, whilst doing that, I read this book by Jeni James called Cinderella.

I know, I know, you may not like fairy tales, but this is a new twist on an old classic.  The prince is awesome and knows who Cinderella is the whole time, long before there is a ball.  His whole goal is to help Cinderella find her self confidence.

Anyway, there was a whole section that really stood out to me.  Ella is talking to the prince, and he is trying to convince her to stand up to her family.  They are talking about failure...and what the prince says is amazing.

"So?  So you fail.  It is alright.  We all fail.  Every single one of us.  It is part of life, my dear.  You just pick yourself back up and move forward again.  you certainly do not have to be perfect the very first time you attempt something new."

And then he teaches her about her worth...

"...once you see your true worth, once you know exactly who you were meant to be--not what you believe you are--no, think past that to your destiny.  Until you embrace all the world has to offer you, then you will never be free within your own heart.  You will always be trapped within yourself, reminding your soul you are not worth what others have.  Whether you fail or not is not the question here, you will most certainly fail many times.  What you need to ask yourself is whether you are ready to become all you were destined to be."

Guys, it is alright to fail!  We are not here to be perfect, rather we are here to try.  More than that, we are here to figure out who we really are.  Once we know who we are and what we are supposed to be (whether that is knowing who we are as children of God, and knowing who He wants us to become or knowing what to do with our life) then our life becomes so much more.  We are able to get outside ourselves and become what we were meant to become.

And that, my friends, is why I read fairy tales...because hidden within them is the answer to life's secrets.

Who Says

I just can't stay away from music.  I guess part of the reason is because it fills me.  It reaches a part of me that other forms of media cannot.  I love to listen to music, especially when I am alone.  Then I can rock out in my car or room and just...enjoy life.

I love this song by Selena Gomez because it was the first of its kind...at least in my generation to reach out to my peeps.  This song was such a boost for me during a time in my life when, well, I needed it.  Even now, when I hear it, I can't help but feel happy.

I love this song because it helps me remember that I am beautiful the way that I am.  I swear I hate this part of the semester.  It always happens that in at least one of my classes (or all of them) I always hit a point where we talk about eating disorders, then the influence of the media, then bullying, then the thin-ideal and on and on and onandonandonandon.  And well, lets face it.  I am fat.  Don't try to talk me out of it because it is true, okay?  And I don't get asked out on dates...I don't fit the "byu ideal" for what a girl should look like.

And so, I turn to music.  I turn to songs like this to remind me that I am good just the way that I am.  That my Heavenly Father made me the way that I am for a specific reason.  That it is fine to be me.  And that even if no one but me can see that, it is okay because He does.

And, well, so does Selena Gomez.

Don't You Worry Child

Once again, I am posting about a song.  In case you didn't figure it out by now, music is probably my number one form of Media.  It is my go-to when I am having a crappy day, or a most excellent adventure, or anything in-between.

But I digress.

For the longest time I had NO idea what the lyrics were to this song.  I just liked it because it was SUPER boss to dance to in the car.  No joke, it would come on the radio and I would turn the music up as loud as I could stand it and dance like no one was watching.

And then, one day, I heard the radio announcers...commentators...you know, the little people who secretly live inside the radio of my car and tell me all about the music I am listening to.  Those people.  Glad we are all on the same page.  Anyway, the radio munchkins were telling me about this song and how THEY had just figured out that the lyrics were "Don't you worry, don't you worry child, see Heaven's got a plan for you.  Don't you worry Don't you worry now."

AWESOME, right?

Isn't it so true, though?  We don't need to worry, because Heavenly Father has a plan for us.  We may not see it all right now, but He does have a plan.  It may take a lot of heartbreaks and bumps along the road, maybe some wrong turns on our part and figuring out the path, but as long as we trust in Him we can never go wrong.

Now you are going to love this song too, I just know it.

Just Give Me a Reason

Guys, I am in love with this song.  I am sure I say that about everything that I post about on this blog, but really, I am posting about Media that is influencing me, and well...I really don't let media that I don't like into my life, so sorry suckers, you have to read about the stuff that I do really like.

I heard this song on the radio the other day and fell in love.  The musicality is phenomenal and the emotion behind it is so powerful!

I don't generally listen to Pink.  Bless her little heart, she likes to use foul language a little too often for my taste. However, when this came on the radio, it really touched me.


I really feel like my whole life is about learning to love again.  Learning to let go of the pains that have been caused in the past (and the pains that I am sure that I have caused others to feel) and just learn to love. To let go and feel something for once, darn it all.  Most of the time, however, I hide.  I shelter my heart and don't let people in.  And then I wonder why I feel so alone and unloved all the time.  It is a vicious cycle that NEEDS to stop.


Anyway, on to the song.

This song is about two people who have a HUGE communication gap in their relationship and are not talking about the things that they are worried that the other person is thinking about them.  It causes a lot of unnecessary stress for these two people who obviously love one another quite a lot.  Neither one wants to let their relationship fall apart and this song is about how they are willing to fix what is wrong.  

I love how she says that "We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again!"

While this is true for love between, well...people in love, I feel like it applies in a broader sense as well.

Guys, none of us are really broken.  We have a Savior who heals all wounds and helps to lift us up and make us whole once more.  But are we willing to let Him in, to fix the places that we feel may be a little bit bent and then open our hearts to love once more?